(Source: hanxiaotian, via dani-ella-ella-ella)

(Source: pandor4, via totally-trent)

Something needs to go right for me. Amie said last night that once you hit the bottom things can only get better. I know I have all my friends around me and yes, they all hate you. And they think I’m an idiot for still wanting you back but what else am I meant to want. You meant everything to me. You were my life and it’s like a whole part of me left with you. All the progress I made as a person left with you. I’m back in the same state of mind as I was when I was 16. And if you decided that you ever wanted me back (which you never will) then I’d always be here. But something good needs to happen pretty soon.

Because you do. It’s fucking stupid. But I believed everything you said to me. When you said you’d never leave and you couldn’t ever do it without me. I can’t do it without you. I just can’t And I am sorry. But unlike you I do actually have a heart and I do still love you. After all this, after the time we were together I still love you. But I was nothing to you, or at least that’s the way it seems. I never got a full explanation, I got a text. After 2 fucking years and I get a text. And even when you came back and then fucking left again I didn’t even get that. It got hidden from me and you lied about it. When you were so worried about me leaving you and you made all these pictures and all these posts on your blogs, I’ve seen them all before, I read them. You’ve never needed me. I have needed you though. And yes, I get that he’s a better dad to cas than I am and I get that he’s a better boyfriend than i ever was. But you know me, get inside my head a little bit or failing that, think of what you were like when you thought I was going to run off with any other girl that came along, even though I had you. Think of what you were like with Danni. You blame her for it more than you blame me. I’m just doing the same. Except, with this case it’s not like he just turned up for a night. You fucking replaced me with him. I’m going to over think everything and replay everything back in my head a million times over until I go crazy, if I already haven’t. I’m not getting through this like I should. I’m so fucking tired. I just want to be done with it. All of it.

Still think you’re just a cunt though.

That won’t fight for what they want at first. But it’ll get to that point. Where I’ll do anything. I’ll get fucked up on anything. I’ll drink till I vomit blood and take drugs till I pass out and fit the fuck out. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Hit me, I’ll spit the blood in your face and tell you to do it again. Fuck it, i’d rather cut myself and just spit blood at you anyway. I’ll bleed and die for what I want. I don’t give a fuck. I came so close to it tonight. I came so close to being happy. And I’d have wished you’d have said something. Coz I would have left you with a smile you couldn’t wipe off and laughed about it. You don’t see it do you? You don’t see what you’ve done. You don’t see what your actions can do to a person. I’m not asking for your fucking remorse or pity. Why the fuck would I want that? Pity from some low life cunt that hasn’t got a reason to be on this earth. I have a reason and that’s my son. He’s the only reason why I didn’t end it tonight. But rest assured fella, you’ll get your satisfaction soon enough. I’ll be gone and so will you. Cause if I’m going. You’re coming straight to hell with me.

(Source: scottzzzz, via betweenthehorseears)